First I would like to say this blog posting is very important to me because of what I have learned about myself these past few years. There are things I have done in my past that I am not proud of, and just like all of us~ we do make mistakes.
I am writing this posting because I feel that I need to share with women what men have told me, and that women need to know about men. It is easier for me to be closer to men not only because I have three brothers and two sons, but mostly because I am sympathetic towards men. Men have told me about how women have treated them, even though I was out of the loop and did not date for many years. My gosh I married my ex-husband twice which gave me good experience in dealing with my own personal mistakes of the past.
It is almost like we are taking revenge out on men because we had a problem with respecting men first, just like the olden days when men and women knew their roles and they respected each other. Maybe we need to take responsibility for a lot of the attitudes towards sex. This means how we use sex or sexiness to our advantage. There is also using sex to our disadvantage when some women love to play the victim role.
We can not expect men to change when we are not willing to change ourselves. To truly be a “ Woman of Integrity “ we first need to take responsibility for our own actions in how we have treated men. Then we should ask for forgiveness so we do not carry our baggage into a new sprouting relationship.
The baggage I had to get rid of was on my body. I needed to lose weight because I was hiding from men in my own fat suit. I needed to learn how to love myself and I am still working at getting rid of the fears. I did not think much of myself because my self-esteem was low because of a past of sexual abuse.
My husband makes me feel pretty especially when he surprises me with flowers. It helps with him being an ex barber and cosmetologist for twenty years. He dolled me up and made me feel worthy of love and I appreciate him all the more for it.
I was the fat kid growing up that people made fun of and so consequently I did not think I was pretty, nor worthy of love. It seems like all of us have our own cross to bear. I do not know of many families that are functional in that all of us have some dysfunction in ourselves that involves promiscuity, greed, and pride of which we have to overcome this kind of generational dysfunction.
We as women that want to be respected, need to be more modest and be examples to young girls by being women of virtue. We also need to be gracious and patient with our men because of how the job market is and they are probably doing the best they can considering that it is easier for women over men to get a job now. Men need to feel appreciated and acknowledged for all of what they do for us. This is time for us to step up to be the caregivers of our husbands as well as our families. It is the time to let your nurturing fly baby!
I have heard my husband say this before that women are like butterflies in that they pollinate people with love while they fly from one person to the next giving their love. It is a good thing that men have women because they would destroy each other eventually! Kinda funny how much of a part we play in their lives huh?
Another thing is that we think we know what men are thinking. We think all they want is sex, beer and football. That is what they enjoy sure. So you really think they like high maintenance, sleazy, easy Cover Girl women? After awhile men get tired of being around such shallow selfish high maintenance women with low standards.
They want a woman that can multi-tasks and that we can be the ALL WRAPPED INTO ONE WOMAN. them and for them. Men want women to show them love, respect, and be the nurturing salve when he has been hurt by the world. They really want to be with a woman that is like their mother with our ability to nurture and also they want us to be women of character and grace.
They want a woman that can multi-tasks and that we can be the ALL WRAPPED INTO ONE woman to them and for them. Men want women to be shown love, respect, and be the nurturers to them. They want their women to be of good character and be virtuous and not sleazy or easy. When we are in tune with our power as the nest nurturers, we can be strong minded and ready to go to battle with our man.
A virtuous woman is a woman of integrity. Men want their woman to stand by them through think and thin and for sickness or in health, so they can work together as a couple to deal with any kind of situation in life that comes our way.
I decided that I had had enough of my messed up life, and that I needed to become the kind of person that I would think my future husband would want me to be to him.
In my heart’s heart I knew that I wanted the kind of man that follows God and what his God teaches him before I will follow him. People can be mislead and deceived and so it is important for men to have a good relationship with God. I knew that I wanted to be compatible with him spiritually and then all the other things would fall into place naturally.
We as women have seen times of unrighteous dominion such as spousal abuse from our men, but we need to have our love for them be being strong enough to stand up to him quietly and respectfully when they are in the wrong just so he does not embarrass himself in front of others ! We do this with love and respect by not belittling him, which only leads to contention. Perfect love cast out out all fear and we can have God help our marriages and all of our relationships with people.
A woman of integrity knows she needs her Heavenly Father to help her to be the best wife she can be. So pray often!!! We are far from perfect so never ever think you are perfect and be thought of as condescending to men, we fall way short and will make mistakes and so will our mates. Furthermore, a woman of integrity forgives always and she forgives instantly.
We have a calming gift and we have been given another gift to our men, and that is who we have become today and how powerful we will be tomorrow when we pray for guidance. Men like women that are confident but non- threatening to their manhood. God created you and I to be very very special. He made you so you can bear children and to nurture them to maturity, so they too can be happy.
We as women need to take extra precautions not to enable our children. It is our nature for us to nurture and protect them because it is out of love that we do it. I feel it is time for me to tell on myself…
My son was burned really bad when he was only 6 years old. He was at the University of Utah burn center and was in there for 6 weeks. His out patient care was close to a year, and then yearly for about 5 more years. I was struggling with my current marriage as well because my twice married husband at the time was an alcoholic and was verbally abusive.
I flew with my son after he was stabilized in a Medi-Vac helicopter to the airport just to board an airplane to the University Hospital’s Burn Center in Salt Lake City. I stayed in his room with him every night for a week and then I found out about the nearby Ronald McDonald House, which was a huge life saver.
My brother Steve drove my other son up to Salt Lake City a few weeks later so he could be with us. Steve also flew my mother up the next morning after the accident so she can be with me also. I had a huge amount of support. My brother Kent supported us financially so we could rent a car to get around the city. My son Keith went to school nearby for a month while we were going through all this.
The reason why I am telling my story is so you can understand how easy it would be for me to enable my son. He lost his fingers on his right hand and has many scars all over his body. He had to wear full body Jobst suit, which is a tight nylon rayon type of material to help with the scaring so it wont be as bad. They did a wonderful job taking care of my son and a wonderful job on his surgeries so he could look as normal as possible.
After we went back home and got back into life again. I divorced their dad because he just could not leave the alcohol alone and I felt like I needed to protect my children. So I was a single parent again and it was easier this way then having to deal with him also.
However, with out a man’s influence and so we have to become both mom and dad to them. We know our kids’ personality and we should know what is good for each one of them, we still seem to lean towards spoiling and sometimes ruining our sons by enabling them. I like many of you I had to work and I ran scared like many of you have probably experienced.
I did not do the right thing for my boys with their best interest at heart. I ended up doing the easiest thing because I was tired after working hard long hours and so I pretty much gave into them by giving them what they wanted.
I have learned by looking back at the mistakes I have made and so I know now that it is not good to enable your children whom we love so much. Both my children are adults now and my son Eddie is living away now and is doing remarkably well, thank you God!!!
I had a lot of help from my new husband when my husband and two brothers came over to the house and we had to kick him out for his own good, which has made Eddie grow up quickly. I am very proud of his progress. He is still angry at me and my new husband and it has been a year now and I will give it another year and he will be thankful for what we did for him. He will understand that we had to let him spread his wings and fly so he can build self esteem himself. The boys’ father when he was drinking was not always nice to the boys either.
So a woman of Integrity is simply learning from our mistakes and we forgive ourselves and move on towards making better choices. I have made many mistakes and am trying to be ” A Woman With Integrity ” and I hope you will join me on a journey to become ” Women of Integrity “ .
I will continue to write more blog postings and I hope you will share any comments or stories of something you see fitting to share with us. I hope to hear from you soon!
With Warm Regards,
Janiel – Mortensen – Norton,